So I have to say this is my favorite question I get asked regarding van life. Where do you poop? The answer is so much simpler than you think.
Pooping and Van life is as easy as going to the coffee shop that you were planning on going to anyways and occupying their commode. Yeah, it’s that simple. But let’s talk about some of the other ways people poop in Van life.
So as I write this I realize I should have a disclaimer. I am incredibly candid about everything under this title. So if the thought of poop and pee bodily fluids disgusts you. You may take three or four sittings to read this or you might find a fluffy article. You’ve been warned.
So the obvious answer to this question is the grocery store, Starbucks, hole in the wall coffee shops, bars, public restrooms, and the list goes on. Ultimately pooping in Van life is not a major concern. much as you’re attached to a schedule of when you wake up when you eat and when you go to bed you can train your body to be on a schedule for when you relieve yourself as well. I know that’s kind of a gross thought to think, I’m going to train myself to poop at 2:19 p.m. every day. But if you take a page out of Sheldon’s book it’s completely possible.
What if it’s an emergency?
So we’ve all been there. we ate some amazing fish tacos and had some amazing salsa that was probably too hot for a got to handle and went to bed. Woke up and the first thing you do is rush to that toilet as if it’s a radiation suit and a nuke just went off. Let me tell you a story very similar to that.
It pretty much started off just like that we went to a fish taco place in L.A that was renowned for their fish tacos. I’ll be at this place was… Dirty to say the least however their food was above the top delicious. It 100% qualifies as a hole in the wall Mexican food restaurant. So while we are eating their fish tacos they had a salsa bar. And they’re extra hot mango habanero salsa was to die for. Honestly, if I were to go back there I wouldn’t change a thing and I would still get that salsa knowing what I had to do. So after that, we walked around. Got some ice cream and proceeded to find a place to sleep for the night. The next morning we woke up and the nuke head went off. I was in so much agony I absolutely needed to poop right now. So I woke my wife up and told her we need to find a coffee shop 5 minutes ago my ass is about to explode. So she took her sweet time getting ready. In reality, I’m sure it was 2 minutes of time but it felt like she took an hour and a half. So as she slowly puts her contacts in I proceeded to hand her sages leash and tell her to get out of the van. at some point in your van life career, you will poop in your van mine just happened to occur within the first week of moving into the van.
So when it’s an emergency always keep gallon Ziplocs hanging around. Don’t skimp for the cheap ones you don’t want the bag breaking. Honestly, it’s pretty simple you just roll down the sides and squat over the bag. In a year of Van life, I’ve only had to do that once.
What are some other options if I don’t want to squat over a Ziploc?
There is tons of composting toilets and cheap versions of composting toilets as well as some kind of toilets out of the market.
Nature’s head makes probably the best and most renowned composting toilet however they tend to be a little bit more on the expensive end. Below all linked to them on Amazon so you can check out their current price.
Click here to check their current price on amazon
A composting toilet is basically a specialized container that catches your poop and then after you add some sort of medium, coffee grounds coconut flakes etc. There’s a big handle for you to stir that sh*t up with. Now as fragrant as that sounds. Composting toilets actually well known for being an incredibly low odor, as long as you use them right.
The downside to these types of toilets is they take up space. Usually, they need specific venting which means more planning in the building phase of your van.in addition to that they require medium which means that’s another thing for you to store in your van. So just keep that in mind as you decide on if you’d like this in your van
There are also options such as modifying a 5-gallon bucket. A lot of people really like this because you can poop in your van or you can take it outdoors when you’re camping and poop elsewhere. However, when I’m outdoors I’ll just dig a hole.
Here are some options of glorified 5-gallon buckets on Amazon with their up-to-date prices
Click here to check their current prices on Amazon
Where do you pee in van life?
Okay, I know the obvious answer is everything that I’ve literally just written however the reason I wanted to write this as a section is because there is a very sneaky thing that a lot of vanlifers have started to do and it is the best thing since the ziplock.
It’s a pee funnel. Now I know a lot of you just said oh my God that is so gross but it’s not. Ultimately it’s some vinyl tubing that runs to the outside of your van with a funnel attached to the end that’s in your van to make aiming a little bit easier. This thing is hands-down the most useful tool ever now I don’t condone using it within a city unless it’s raining. Because all of the fluids that go into the tube go straight onto the pavement. So if you wouldn’t pee there, to begin with. You shouldn’t use your pee funnel there. After we do our business we have a cleaner that we use to clean the pee funnel so that it doesn’t smell. Yes, the cleaner works so well that even on asparagus night the van smells amazing.
We actually use our pee funnel for two things. 1 peeing, obviously. 2 to spit our toothpaste out
If our van isn’t perfectly level we have a tendency to have a puddle of water on one side of our sink. Over the course of a night that gets pretty nasty in the next day. Who do we spit in our pee funnel use our spray cleaner that we use every time we pee a little bit of water down it and bingo bango no saliva stuck in the sink.
No one likes talking about using the facilities however it’s a necessary day-to-day activity. Vanlife complicates that a little bit but ultimately still incredibly doable and very easy.
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