I have learned many lessons in my 20’s and they are only half over! I saw a post that advertised 5 things the writer had learned by 23 and I thought I can do one better. 25 lessons, one for each year that I have been alive; 25 Things I Have Learned in my 25 Years. So let’s dive right in.
Quick note: Sage is my dog, Kodiak is my husband, and now you are all caught up on my life!
25 Life Lessons: 25 Things I Have Learned in my 25 Years
General Life Lessons: 25 Things I Have Learned in my 25 Years
- Everyone is on a different path so stop comparing yourself to others
This one is so hard in the age of social media. Facebook is constantly showing you everyone’s new job, new degrees, new kids, and new marriages. I’ll let you in on a little secret, it’s all a lie. No one has a perfect life so stop comparing your life to everyone’s highlights! In fact, I use MOST social media just for work and avoid scrolling for fun all together. If I catch myself drifting through my feed for fun, I redirect myself to a new task. Also, try a more positive platform like Pinterest. I always feel better after scrolling through Pinterest, than I do through Facebook.
- No one has it all figured out
Everyone is just doing the best with the time that they are given. No one knows everything and is spending all their time on the right things. Just make sure that you are doing the best that you can for yourself.
3. Being alone is not the worst thing and it’s how you grow
You learn so much about yourself when you are alone. No one grows in their comfort zone and being alone makes you look at who you are. I spent a summer “alone” (I made friends while I was there) in Thailand and I grew more over there than I did in 4 years of college.
4. You are going to fail ALL THE TIME! Just make sure to get back up!
This is still such a struggle! I have to remind myself about this all the time. I never want to try anything new because I am content in my comfort zone. This is true even when I am not happy in my comfort zone. It is still easier to do nothing, than to try something new. I have such a struggle with this and luckily Kodiak pushes me all the time (sometimes to an irritating amount)
5. It’s your life make sure to live it the way you want to
I am such a people pleaser, so this took such a long time to learn. This meant that I wanted everyone to be proud of me and to think I was doing my best, but none of that matters especially if you are miserable doing so. What matters is if YOU like living your life. Living in a van, everyone has something to say about your lifestyle. Our judger relatives still don’t “get it”. Luckily, our parents were super supportive and have changed a lot of minds in our family. Society still has people who look down on us and will even go so far as to harass us. You just have to realize that there is a lack of control in those people’s lives and that is why they are trying to control you. Ignore them and keep living the way you want, you won’t have regrets then!
6. Society’s rules will ruin your life
Following society’s rules will keep you from doing what you truly want. I am talking about the; go to college, get a job, move up the ladder, get married, get a house, have kids, and then retire and die. I promise this is not the american dream and the 50’s have mixed everything up into this formula that doesn’t work.
Kodiak and I met in high school, went to college, got married, and then realized this sucks! We didn’t like what climbing up the ladder in our industry looked like so we quit our jobs, bought a van, transitioned into remote work because we wanted to travel and see the world. Now we pretty much live on the “outskirts” of society. And we love it! Do your own thing and don’t let people tell you how to live your life. In the end, your experiences are all you can take with you when you die.
Relationship lessons: 25 Things I Have Learned in my 25 Years
7. If you aren’t getting what you need out of a relationship (any relationship), then leave
I had a pattern of picking up toxic friends throughout all of school, including college, and it wasn’t until my final year of college and the year afterward that I realized how many toxic people I had invited into my life. Luckily, my husband, then-fiance, and I managed to take a step back and see these people for who they were and leave them before we became too much like them. You become the 5 people that you are the closest with so choose wisely. When my husband and I realized that we had terrible friends, we ended up cutting off all our friends and then waiting to see people for who they were.
Of our friend group of 8 people, only 2 remained our friends. As soon as we stopped letting the other 6 people take advantage of us, they bailed. The 2 that remained, checked in with us, texted us, and invited us to do things with them while we were taking our “friend break”. Of course, we told them what was going on and didn’t ghost our friends! But the other 6 after we didn’t bring beer over or didn’t bash on our other friends in group messages, stopped texting us and eventually blocked us on everything. It was like they were so insecure in our friendship that taking a break meant that we were bad-mouthing them somewhere else and they didn’t trust us. It was really hard, but it was all for the better.
8. Toxic people are all around, AVOID them!
This goes hand-in-hand with number 6. I had a toxic best friend throughout my childhood and I didn’t realize how much it messed with me. I continued to let people take advantage of me so that they would like me and be my friend, but it was so draining. This obviously followed me into adulthood, see #7 for the full story.
Sometimes the toxic people in your life aren’t people that you choose, sometimes it is family. This one can be much more tricky, but the rule still applies. Avoid these people! Now, this doesn’t mean cut them off completely but do limit your time with them. I have an uncle who is extremely petty and I haven’t physically seen him in 3 or 4 years. I still try to be as nice as possible through group texts and such, but I avoid gatherings at his house or when he may be one of only 6 people in a group.
9. Sex is so important (and everyone should stop inserting their opinion into your sex life)
This was the largest issue in my relationship that almost killed my now marriage. I listened to the rhetoric around sex ever since middle school and it was all wrong. My parents were not the most helpful in this department impressing upon me that it was important to wait for the right person and to also wait till marriage. Of course, my friends gave me the impression that sex was dirty and that you were a slut for liking it. My birth control options killed my libido and then almost killed my relationship. It has been a long road to being comfortable with my sexuality and I still struggle. But it is such an important part of relationships in connecting and so important in maintaining a good mood. Watch our video on Vanlife Birds and the Bees here.
10. NEVER share too much about yourself at work
I learned this one the hard way. My first real job turned out to be a terribly toxic place. People were always gossiping about each other behind their backs and everyone had a terribly unsustainable work ethic (we had way too little work for the number of people that were hired). Of course, because of my personality being a toxic magnet, I overshared everything about myself to get people to like me. The people at my work then used it against me and I ended up hating my job. I am still friends with a lot of those people (some I totally burned the bridge with), but now when we get together I barely share anything about me and keep the conversation totally on them. (People love talking about themselves!)
11. Dramatic friends are fun to listen to, but never get too close or trust them (you will get sucked in)
I cannot express how terribly dramatic our old friend group used to be. They were so crazy and at the time it was fun to listen to, but soon that drama gets turned on you. Then it is way less fun. Also, these people tend to stay put and keep living their miserable lives, complaining about everything, but nothing ever changes. Trust me you will get sucked in!! Soon you realize that you are also pessimistic and you are also miserable. You are the combination of the 5 people that you spend the most time with, pay attention to who you hang out.
12. Pets teach you how to love unconditionally
My dog Sage has taught me so much about love. She has her days just like everyone else, but she is always happy to see me. She cuddles me every morning before we get up. It makes me feel so good to know that she loves me no matter what. I have been trying to adopt this into my own relationships by always trying to be happy to see the people who matter most to me, every time I see them.
I try to carve out time for the people who matter and make an effort to spend time with people individually instead of always in a group. Especially my parents. I am just now trying to implement this with my friends too. It’s easy to get sucked into the day-to-day and forget to reach out. It’s so important to let people know that they matter to you. Don’t have time to meet them in person or are they too far away? Send them a text or call whenever you think of them. It will mean so much to them!
Life Tip that helps me: I set on my Google calendar a reminder to set up coffee/lunch with my mom and each of my friends every month or every other month.
13. Conflict is natural and it’s important to voice your opinions
I hate confrontation. I hate it so much that a lot of times I will let people push me for so long that I lose it. It is always something little that sets me over too, which usually makes me look pretty crazy. Instead, it is so much easier when I let people know right away when something bothers me. Kodiak is the master at recognizing when something is wrong and not letting it go until I tell him what upset me. Of course, our relationship is better for it, but I hate telling him what is wrong. Just get it over with, if the relationship is worth salvaging and you are close enough it will never bother them enough to stop being friends with you. So tell them! (Before you explode over nothing)
Growing up lessons: 25 Things I Have Learned in my 25 Years
14. Traveling is important while you are young and able
My husband and I both have known people who worked their whole lives to save up for retirement and then only spent a few years doing what they wanted before they couldn’t anymore. It is always really sad. We vowed to not let that happen to ourselves and this was one of the main reasons that we ended up moving into a van. We made a lot of sacrifices in order to travel more often in our 20’s, but so far it has been totally worth it!
- Sometimes your life heroes are going to let you down (AND it hurts!)
One of the biggest heroes in my life let me down and it hurt… A LOT! I want this person to be the idol that I had made up in my head, but they were just human. It wasn’t fair for me to hold this person to such a high standard in my head. It’s ok to be disappointed. Just make sure to realize that people are people and they make mistakes. Don’t hold them to unreasonable standards and you are less likely to be disappointed in the future. Sometimes people make the same mistakes over and over because they are struggling with something that you know nothing about, so give people additional grace.
- Saving is more important now, then later
In your 20’s let’s be honest you are probably making the bare minimum. But it is still important to look to the future. People who start saving for retirement in their 20’s are much better off than if you wait. Just $20 a month is a great place to start. This could mean not going out to the bar with your friends one weekend every month or not paying for Netflix and Hulu or making coffee at home every Monday through Thursday and then treating yourself on Friday. Anything can work, but putting away just a little bit every month will make a huge difference.
Now that I am halfway through my 20’s I am putting away $50, between my husband and myself. We are saving up for 12 months of home expenses and 6 months of business expenses (we own our own business). We are also putting away a small down payment towards our first home. Only last year did I open an IRA. Baby steps are the way to go! When you have a bit saved up, talk to a financial planner, they will help you put your money in the best place for the current market, for your current age, and what will be the best for your situation.
A budget will save your life. Know where your money is going! It may be lame, but take an afternoon to write down your non-negotiables (like rent, bills, etc.), your flexible needs (like groceries), and your wants (like Netflix, eating out, and travel). From there you can adjust what you are spending by cutting out some wants and stop living paycheck to paycheck. Live like no one else now (sacrifice now), so that you can live like no one else later (crazy, non sacrificing life later). This only works if you review what you actually spent at the end of the month to see what went well and where you fell short. AND if you make an effort to improve the following month.
Life Tip that helps me: Take out cash in the exact amount that you want to spend eating out (or for groceries). That way when it’s gone, you don’t get to eat out anymore and you won’t overspend.
17. Never wait for retirement for anything
This also goes hand-in-hand with #14. If you want to spend more time fly-fishing, but you’re waiting for that cabin in the woods that you are going to purchase when you retire, then sadly you may never get there. Make time for the things you love doing. You will never regret taking the weekend to go camping with your family or taking that international trip to that place that you have always wanted to see. You will remember those memories, but you won’t remember another weekend at the office. Take time to live your life.
Parent lessons: 25 Things I Have Learned in my 25 Years
18. Your parents are growing old, spending time with them is important.
I think I have only started to realize this. When I was a teenager, it seemed like my parents would be around forever. Now that I am 25 years old I have lost all, but 2 of my grandparents (I had divorced grandparents so I grew up with three sets of grandparents or 6 total). My parents certainly did think when they were my age that they would lose their parents so young. I don’t want to spend all of my 20’s doing my own thing, building my career, and ignoring them. I never know when I am going to see them for the last time.
Every time Kodiak and I am in town we spend at least half of our time with our parents. Just dinners or hanging out, but I want that time with them. I am also attempting to spend time separately with my mom in particular, something that fell by the wayside as we moved into van life because I spend so much time with my dad (I work with him quite a bit).
19. Your parents have no idea what they are doing either
Parents make mistakes and they are full of good advice, but they are also just trying to make the best decision at the time. They have suffered their own traumas and they don’t always make the right choices.
Work and Self Improvement Lessons: 25 Things I Have Learned in my 25 Years
- Pick something you love doing as a side hustle
Always start this as a hobby first and foremost, don’t expect this to supplement your income a ton. If you do go into it expecting it to make you money, when it doesn’t you will be disappointed and not want to do it. Like this blog, I like writing and it gives me an outlet for some of my thoughts. I am always trying to produce content that I think that will be valuable to others, but also what I want to talk about (which is why my topics are so varied). In the end this is just for fun, but it has made me a couple of bucks through ads and readers like you so thanks! 🙂
21. Eating healthy is so important
Food is your fuel, don’t waste it on empty carbs and sugars that will make you crash later. Eat actual vegetables and fruits. I love eating whatever is in season. Buzzfeed comes out with a great article every month that gives you recipes for the month with in-season ingredients and a list of everything that is in season at the top. Here is March 2021. I can taste a difference between in-season and out-of-season produce. It is usually cheaper too! I became a pescetarian for various reasons; read the full article here.
but I have felt so much better since I switched. I definitely was eating too much meat before I switched and it made me feel sluggish. Meat is so expensive too! If you don’t feel your best, then you can’t be your best!
22. It’s ok to say no and to quit.
I hated quitting things. When I was in college, I decided to take an American literature class as an elective, within one week it was all I was doing. I was constantly behind and the class was ridiculously hard for an intro class. Still, I didn’t want to quit, it felt like a defeat. Kodiak finally convinced me to drop the class and I am so glad I did.
Since then I have quit so many things for the better. It always takes me a ridiculously long time to decide to quit something, but when I finally decide to quit, it is always worth it! Never be miserable for something that isn’t worth it. Don’t have time for a project at work? It is ok to say no and know your limits. Make sure to have a legit reason and be able to articulate why you can’t take something on, but never feel bad about saying no.
- Always be learning something new
Keep your brain active. Nothing was as scary as the year after college I realized that I felt like I was deteriorating already from not learning something new. I wasn’t working my brain after doing that every day for 18 years! It felt like I was having a harder time remembering things and that in general, I was just getting dumb. I started taking French, Japanese, and Spanish on Duolingo, I looked into free classes through Ivy League schools, I watched youtube videos that were educational and I took a course in video production. It definitely helped and I found that just learning about something made for a much easier stepping stone to some of the scarier goals I had. Learning about something helps you research the first step you should take in any big goal and then you get started from there, without getting overwhelmed.
- If you are scared, then you are heading in the right direction.
Big steps are so scary! I didn’t want to move into a van (no place to come home to everyday, terrifying), I didn’t want to quit my job that I knew had no future, I didn’t want to ask my current job to be remote full time in order to travel, but I am so glad that I did all of these. If you have a (healthy) fear of the next step, it is going to be worth it. Learn the difference between healthy fear and actual fear of course! Fear of the person you are about to marry is very different!
- Becoming the best possible version of yourself is the most important task in life
Do we really have any other goal that means anything? You can help future generations by being the best you can be. You can help your children by being the best possible example of yourself. Learn everything you want to. See everything you can. Experience everything you want to. Be yourself and constantly be improving. Life is so awesome, never waste it! I promise it is always getting better, dark holes are temporary, you will get through everything and be an amazing person when all is said and done.
Thanks for reading my article; 25 Things I Have Learned in My 25 Years! I am glad that you made it to the end. Good luck and reach out. I would love to hear from you and what you thought 🙂 Also, I am curious what would you put on your “25 Things I Have Learned in my 25 Years” article?
Recent Comments